I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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