AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
