Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
