when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
