even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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