xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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