i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
