i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
