I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
