Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
