Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
