so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
