i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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