Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
