So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
