ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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