I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
