Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
