Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
