I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
