hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
