he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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