Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
