So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
