and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
