u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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