you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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