please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
one might say we're banned from that church
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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