everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
