well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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