There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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