8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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