So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
