I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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