there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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