I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
