i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
