I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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