I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
