I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
