Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
