he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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