apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
