can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
