I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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