I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
