The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
