I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
