I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
