So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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