wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
that's an acceptable place to lick
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
